not a bad life
2005-10-24, 10:00 a.m.

Well it�s Monday morning and I finally have some time to do a bit of an update. I don�t have training today, but the rest of the week is going to be nuts. I have training tomorrow and Wednesday, a seminar on Thursday, and training at an outside location about an hour from my house on Friday. So this is probably going to be my only update this week.

So, this weekend was good. Eagle worked Saturday and Sunday. She�s actually made it through two weeks of work! Not without her problems though. She left early twice and did not go in one day. Saturday she was supposed to work 5-9 p.m. She left at 8:30. She confessed that she did not have permission to leave early, she just left. I was livid. I told her that she is setting it up so that she fucks up at work and then doesn�t want to go the next day and gets her ass fired and that is her pattern and she needs to put the breaks on right this minute and throw it into reverse. Needless to say she spent Saturday night panicked about going to work the next day. She was ready to just not show up. I told her absolutely not. She did get up and go into work on Sunday and luckily no one must have noticed that she left early the day before. She stayed her whole shift on Sunday.

I told her basically that if she fucks this job up, we are going to have a HUGE problem. I did not say that I would leave her if she loses this job, but I did make it clear that it would be one really heavy straw on the camel�s back, and it wouldn�t take much else to break it.

Fact is, right now, I don�t have it in me to leave. I like my home, we get long great, she�s gotten lazy, but she�s working so that gives me time to do more house work without her in my way. Our sex life leaves A LOT to be desired too, but we still cuddle. Most of the time we are laughing a lot, or comfortable just being silent. We can say and do anything in front of each other. This relationship does have a lot of good stuff that my past ones haven�t had in addition to it�s equal share of the bad stuff .

I�m not sure why I�m feeling it necessary to justify why I am still with Eagle. The fact is, I�m not unhappy. I have my moments where I think �what am I doing?� But for the most part, I�m happy. Eagle no longer changes moods on a dime. Have I mentioned that? She and I can laugh, joke, talk seriously, whatever, and I feel comfortable saying just about anything to her and not have to worry that she�ll blow up on me. I never reached that with myexlove or my ex-husband. Both of them yelled at me without warning whenever they felt like it.

Yeah living with Eagle is sometimes like raising a teenager (I imagine), but it�s also very rewarding at times too. I rarely have the desire to live alone and have my own place. I like knowing I�ve got someone to cuddle with. I love Eagle�s family and they love me, and giving up Eagle would be giving up them too. My life is pretty good right now. Yeah Eagle�s always one fuck up away from putting us into turmoil, but that could be said with anyone really.

I know that I love Eagle. I know that it�s not the all consuming love that I had for the ex, but maybe that�s not such a bad thing. I got to experience that intense, overwhelming, and exhausting love for awhile, some people never get that and I�m not sure loving that much is a good thing. I love Eagle, but I have enough strength to be strong with her, to stand up to her when need be, and to let my hair down with her and not worry one bit that she�ll be upset with me for something.

Not a bad life if you ask me.

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