I choose love over anger
2004-01-15, 8:42 a.m.

Had therapy last night and I really needed it. It's amazing how much it helps to just talk things out to an impartial person. Someone who won't judge your decisions, just help you understand why you make them.

I realized last night that I've been afraid of anger most of my life. I can't really remember even feeling much anger in childhood. It's only been the past few years that I've even allowed myself to show anger.

Lately things seem to make me more angry than ever.

I'm angry that whenever I achieve happiness in my life, something happens to take it away.

I'm angry that my father has chosen to disregard me yet again.

I'm angry that my half-sister is annoying and is now following our father's footsteps into a brainwashing religion.

I'm angry that after being nice to Roommate Woman for so long she feels she can say some of the most hurtful things to me and chalk it up to..."well I didn't really mean it...I was just mad."

I'm angry that MyLove is still living with TheExFromHell and whenever I try to talk about it, she gets defensive.

I'm angry that MyLove can disappear for hours at a time and tell me she was sleeping, yet if she can't reach me for 10 minutes she goes balistic.

I'm angry that I've lived my life as a peaceful and loving person and I always get the shit end of the stick.

But today, I'm not really angry at all. I feel better than I have in the past few days. I'm glad that I'm getting in touch with my anger, but I don't want to be angry all the time.

Now I'm going to let go of this anger for awhile and feel some peace that I haven't felt in awhile. Anger may not be a bad thing, but I still prefer love and forgiveness.

I told roommates they don't have to move. But I am at zero tolerance with her. We'll see how it goes.

last - next