I want out of the shadows
2004-01-16, 8:41 a.m.

I saw the most wonderful sunrise this morning. It made me want to stand on the edge of the water, face the sun and let it warm me. Let it take all my cares, fears, doubts, and insecurities away.

It's Friday and I'm feeling pretty good. I think I've broken free of the feelings of anger and depression that held me most of this week. I'm still feeling sad about MyLove's living situation though. It feels like it'll never change. It feels like I'm just being strung along. I know she loves me, that's not the problem. I just can't understand why she allows TheExFromHell to make her feel responsible for her. But she does.

I'm also still hurting that I'm still this "dark secret" from MyLove's family. It hurts. I can't help it. MyLove has explained all the reasoning behind it, but it doesn't take the pain away.

I'm tired of being a secret. I want to marry MyLove and have babies, and be an equal with her. I want to stand beside her, not behind her in the shadows.

I guess only time will tell. Either I'll get that wish or I'll give up waiting for it to happen. I suppose it's all up to me.

Despite the tone of this entry, I'm actually feeling pretty good today. It's Friday and I have Monday off. I'm looking forward to a fun and relaxing weekend.

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