Happy St. Patrick's Day
2005-03-17, 8:35 a.m.

Happy St. Patricks's Day! Yeah, it's not really all that exciting after you graduate huh? I mean you had to make SURE you wore green or otherwise you'd get pinched! But I can't see my co-workers running around pinching people. But just in case....I wore green.

This week has gone by fast, but all the days seem to be blurring into each other. It's very disorienting. Last night was the first night I got to sleep before midnight. But I'm still pretty tired today.

Eagle and I are doing great still. Things at home are very content. We had a new friend over Tuesday night. When we first met her, we thought she was just a cross dresser....man dressing as a woman. But she explained to us that she is "both." We didn't ask for any details. But she has got to be the most girly girl I've ever met. Certainly more girly then me. But she's nice, and she's funny, though both Eagle and I agreed, we can only take her in small doses!

At bowling, Eagle is becoming THE BUTCH. All the fems are flirting more and more with her. There's one that's got a definite crush. I think it's cute, and it makes me feel good to be with the one that all these femmes are nuts about. Besides, I trust Eagle completely in that area....she's got my name tattooed on her hand for crying out loud....she's not going far. But I do try to put on a little bit of jealousy for her benefit. I think she gets a kick out of it.

The confidence I've seen grow within Eagle has been truly amazing. She told me last night that for the first time in her life, she's starting to have a self-identity. She's starting to know who she is, what she's capable of, and what she wants out of life. I think that's incredible. I always knew that she had it in her, I don't know why at times, but I never doubted it. I'm glad that I didn't.

I'm very happy too lately, although as is always the case I'm gaining weight in this relationship. Part of it is that my baby cooks so damn well. But I've also stopped looking for a date, gotten settled in and like to veg out at night when I used to be on the go go go all the time. Eagle is trying to get me to exercise with her, and I do, but not as often as I should be. But I really need to do something or I'm going to be huge and miserable with myself.

Overall though, I've got to say that I am very happy. I never would have thought that I'd be where I am now. My work life is great, my home life is great, and things seem to be falling into place for me. Every now and then I get that old feeling of guilt for leaving my ex-husband and moving on, but I can't torture myself forever. I would have been unhappy and unhealthy staying in that situation, and I know that. As for my ex-love, I've finally come to realize that we were meant to have a short affair and nothing more. And that's okay. It hurt like hell learning that, but now that it's over, I can reflect and see it for what it truly was....though I will always love her despite it all.

But Eagle has truly become the love that I thought she was for the beginning. I saw a future with her and I that defied the obvious. I wasn't sure if I'd ever be able to love her "the most" or "the deepest" but I have. It's been a slow progression for me, and I think that's the best way to fall in love. It tells me that this one will last....and I feel that it really will....till death do us part.

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