So confused
2004-03-22, 11:08 a.m.

I'm in a state of confusion at the moment. I haven't seen MyLove, but for an hour in the past three weeks due to her work schedule. At first I missed her a lot, but as the time goes by, I don't.

Then on Friday I went out with some friends and I spilled my guts about our whole relationship. When I got done telling the whole sordid tale, I felt like a fool. It's like without her presence around me, I'm starting to awake to the situation that I'm in.

The fact that all the people I know, even barely, have offered me a place to crash if I needed....except her, has really made me take notice of just exactly where I stand with her.

Now I'm left feeling confused. I'm pretty sure that I don't want the relationship any more. But do I want her still? I know that when I see her again, my heart will melt and so will my resolve. I don't know what to do. But dammit I know I want to be a priority in her life, and I'm not. I don't think I'll ever be.

Yeah we've gotten a long great for the past few months, but I realized that's because I've stopped bitching. I'd given up on getting the love that I wanted from her and settled for what she gave. With the distance between us, it is so much easier to see it now.

So what do I do? I doubt that I'll even see her in person for at least another week to two weeks. I feel like a coward if I break up with her on the phone. Besides that she's got a lot on her plate at work right now and do I really wanna add that to it? Yes, despite it all, I'm still putting her feelings first....sigh.

I just feel like if there ever was a time for me to make this break, now would be a good time. But how? When? Is it fair of me?

I'm just so confused.

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