who's the real one?
2003-04-18, 8:23 a.m.

I just realized that I never updated yesterday. I guess I just didn't know what to say. Why don't I know what to say? Because I don't really know how I feel. I think that I'm not happy, but I really don't know why. I thought maybe it was hormonal, but I think it's more the situation with MyLove. I feel like she....I don't know....see that's just it; I can't put my finger on it. There is something different with her. She says it's me....and yeah it is me too, but it's also her. I've tried over the past two weeks to be just as affectionate and loving to her as I always was, but she's not. Yeah, she kisses me when I kiss her, but she doesn't spontaneously take me into her arms and kiss me like she used to. Yeah, she calls me to say hi throughout the day, but it feels like she's just doing it for me. She doesn't send me loving emails, she doesn't even cook me dinner anymore (however I still cook for her), she doesn't look at me and tell me how much she loves me like she used to. Yes, I've told her all these things, and she has said she'll try harder. But my thought is...why does she have to try? It all used to come naturally before, what is different now?

She says she doesn't see the love in my eyes when I look at her anymore. I admit, I don't feel the same that I did, but I really believe it's in response to her. I'm tired of chasing her, I'm tired of being the one to hold her, kiss her, rub her back, and all the other things I do...without much in return.

I hate to admit this, but I'm actually somewhat jealous of our new dog. He's a tiny little chihuahua and he's adorable, but she cuddles him, kisses him, even cooks for him! Last night she slept with him in her arms! I used to be the one to sleep in her arms, what the fuck???

I do love her very much, but I'm afraid I'm getting to the point where it just may be a fact that we just can't be together as anything more than friends. She needs someone who doesn't need the affections she's so stingy with. I need someone who likes to cuddle, who will take me in her arms and give me slow, deep romantic kiss once in awhile, who will want me to sleep in her arms as opposed to a dog!

The saddest thing is, MyLove used to be that person.....where did she go? Is it that this is just the real MyLove and the person who did all those things was just a fake? Just an act she put on to impress me?

Will the Real MyLove, please stand up!!

last - next