She's worth it
2003-04-23, 8:48 a.m.

I'm feeling good today. I'm wondering if I might suffer from chronic depression and not even realize it. Sometimes I just get soooo down and I don't know why, and then I wake up one day and I feel brand new. Maybe I should discuss this with my therapist. I suppose I wouldn't be reluctant to take some medication if I thought that it would help.

MyLove got home early from work this morning, which was a great surprise. She came in and I was very happy and smiling and she said I was acting weird. I said well I'll feeling happy, if happy is weird, then I'm weird!

I did a lot of thinking the four nights I was without her and she was at work. I realized that she's been right, we don't have a lot in common and I think that is why we are having such a hard time adjusting. It also helps me to feel what I think she feels sometimes. The hopelessness that we can ever make it. So now that I can see her side of the relationship, what can we do about it?

I plan to talk to her the next few days that she is off and tell her what I've thought about and see what she's thought about. Basically, as I see it, we have two options. The first option would be to just let it go, realize that we don't have enough in common to survive this relationship as life partners. The second option would be for each of us to educate the other on their likes and interests, and see if maybe the other can learn to appreciate some of the things that the person they love enjoys. I personally would like to try option two, but it's gonna mean some hard work, and a lot of flexibility. I know that MyLove is not that flexible. She likes things the way she likes them and resists change. So, I'm prepared to be patient with her, but I hope that she'll find our love and our relationship worth the effort. We'll see.

Maybe I'm feeling a bit of relief because I've finally figured these things out. I hate the unknown....so as long as I can pinpoint what the problem is in something I can work toward fixing it....but when I don't know what it is, I feel helpless and then depressed.

So I'm happy today and I hope that my happiness can spread to MyLove....I also hope with all my heart that she's willing to take an interest in my interests. I am more than willing to take an interest in her interests, but I don't think she has a lot of them. Her work hours prevent her from taking an active interest in much really...but whatever is important to her, I'm willing to make important to me. She's worth it. I just hope I'm worth it for her.

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