good therapy
2005-05-18, 8:49 a.m.

Well it's Wednesday once again. Time just keeps on rolling by. Not to say that this is a bad thing by any means, it just is.

I had a good counseling session last night. We actually talked more about me then normal. Most of the time I use my session to work out problems with others. Mostly MyEx and/or Eagle. Though we did talk about Eagle a lot too.

But with me, I've started to notice things about myself that I wanted to discuss. Mainly that I have a problem paying attention to details. This is a problem that I think I've had for most of my life, but it's gotten worse. So my counselor asked me some questions and suggested that I may have some adult onset ADD. She recommended a book for me to read, so hopefully I'll be able to get that book and see.

Eventually I want to move up in my job, but this problem could really hurt my success. I already have to proof read things so much lest I leave out words or letters. I'm sure it's evident in my entries.

The other things we talked about were Eagle and that party we're planning for her parents, and the whole drunken brother visit. The more I tell my therapist about Eagle the more I think she sees why I love her so much, why Eagle has some of the problems that she has, and why she DESERVES the chances I give her. I love that my counsellor does not ever condem me. I feel like I can say ANYTHING to her and not be judged. I've never had a that kind of a relationship with my counselors in the past, and therefore, I never committed to therapy like this before.

I personally think therapy should be mandatory in life. I mean come on, how many people can truly go through life without SOME kind of guidance? I suppose the religious folks have their pastors and priests, and confession. But I still think there are far to many pig headed people out there who could use some therapy. It should be just part of the human experience.

Eagle is still depressed and yesterday was day three in a row. It sucks because she slacks on everything, pouts, and just looks like someone shot her dog all the time. I know that I've felt down and out for no (or chemical) reason, but I at least still go through the motions of life, you know? She is doing better though, in the past a depression like this would have kept her in bed for three days, or turned her into a total bitch. She is now aware of it, and making every effort not to take it out on me or anyone else. Hopefully she'll be better today. Despite her not taking it out on me, it still affects me greatly. I hate to see her so down and out. It pains me.

I haven't heard from MyEx since she called to tell me that she though that Eagle had pranked her boss. I have checked her cell and our home phone records and I know that she did not. So either someone else has it out for myex, or her boss was mistaken, or she maid it up. I'm not going to comment on what I think.

I meant to talk about the crazy dream I had the other day. It was very very realistic. Basically I was at a friends house, who had a little boy. In my dream they had called me over because they knew that I was into ghosts and they thought they had one. So I came over. As soon as I walked in the door, I felt the hairs on my head and body tingle. It was so vivid. Then a bedroom door opened and then slammed shut by itself and I got scared and ran out of the house. But then I realized I had to go back in and face my fear. So I did. I went back in and I started trying to communicate with the spirit. I even felt it brush up against me and I reached my hand out and grabbed ahold of something invisible. I started telling it to leave this family alone and to go away because it wasn't wanted. The thing thrashed around in my hand and then was gone. It was so real that I woke up and wasn't sure it hadn't really happened. So....dream analyzers, any ideas?

Well I guess I'd better quit goofing off and get to work.

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