Back from vacation
2003-05-27, 8:52 a.m.

Here I am, back to work. Vacation is over. Oh well. But I do feel refreshed which is a good thing. I was feeling very burned out before my vacation.

Speaking of vacation....it was overall pretty good. Here's a recap:

The first day of vacation was Friday May 16th. We woke leisurely, had daytime sex (the best) and then got dressed and went to the Casino. We lost about $100.00 each and then went home.

The next day was the Cher concert. We woke early, packed and went to pick up my friends that were going with us and drop our dog off with their daughter to watch. We checked into our hotel room and decided what to do next as we had several hours to kill before the concert. Here the first controversy of the week began. MyLove offered to go find an ice machine and get some ice. I didn't think anything of it. But, after a little while she hadn't returned, but I heard someone out in the hall. So, I opened the door expecting to see her, and instead I saw her standing at the end of the hall talking on her cell phone. I immediately knew that she had to be talking to TheExFromHell because that's the only person she talks to on that phone. I was pissed. But even more, I was hurt that she couldn't go one whole day devoted to having fun with me, without calling her ex. I confronted her about it immediately. I told her how much it hurt me and she apologized and explained that she feels she owes her ex something. That line is getting old, but whatever. I let it go because I was NOT going to let her ex ruin this weekend for me. So we kissed and made up and I dropped it.

We went to the concert, MyLove got a little buzzed and started running up to the stage as we were on the main floor, but security kept catching her. I thought for sure she'd get thrown out, but luckily she did not. We fought the crowds at the end and made it back to the hotel room. Unfortunately we were sharing a room with my friends so no sex for me!

The next day the four of us got up and went to see the Pistons lose. However, by then our patience and tolerance of crowds was at it's limit. Finally, after waiting in line for tickets, then to correct the tickets they gave us in error, and then to actually enter the stadium we were at our wits end. MyLove was crabby and snippy and it just wasn't a whole lot of fun.

Later we dropped my friends off and picked up our dog, who was thoroughly pissed off at us for leaving him. And, though MyLove never came right out and said it, I got the distinct feeling she blamed it on me. Oh well.

The rest of the week was quiet and relaxing, though unfortunately sex-free. I tried several times to get it going, and was rebuffed by various excuses. I was hurt, but patient.

But then the bottom fell out. After being patient with her lack of affection, patient with her adjusting to living with someone, patient with her need to "be there for her ex", and on and on and on....I overheard her tell her ex on the phone, "I love you too." I lost it. I hit my limit. I broke up with her. I explained that I can be patient, that I love her enough for that, but she has got to give me something in return and there is no excuse for her to be telling her ex she loves her, and no reason she needs to be talking to her every single day. It's not fair to me, and it's not fair to her ex because as long as MyLove is still there for her, she doesn't need to find anyone else...she still has MyLove. And dammit I'm not willing to share!

The next day we talked and she agreed to back off on calling the ex, to be more affectionate, and to not tell her ex she loves her....and I agreed to be even more patient....but I don't really know how much more patient I can be.

I'm already getting that distant feeling from her. Before when I looked at her, all I felt is love, but now sometimes I look at her and feel angry, hurt, and dissatisfied. I know that I still love her, but I don't know how thin that can be streched before it breaks and once that happens...It's over.

In the meantime, I'm going to use this relationship as a learning tool. It is forcing me to learn how to make myself happy without relying on anyone else. So that's what I'm doing and once I've learned the lesson, if things are good and MyLove has learned her lessons then I expect we'll have a great relationship. But if not, I'll be prepared to move on and take my new found abitliy to make myself happy with me into a new relationship.

More to come on the vacation and insights.

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