I need peace and quiet
2005-05-27, 9:07 a.m.

Well another night fucked. I was so drained and tired last night that I figured I'll just listen her every word, pay attention to her, not watch any t.v., etc. Which is just what I did. And all was fairly well despite her jabs all night long which I just ignored so as not to fight anymore. Then come 11:00 and I'm tired and I had four hours of sleep the night before so I say I want to go to bed. Well then all hell breaks lose.

Grabbed my bag and was so going to my safe place, but she cried and screamed and grabbed onto me and wouldn't let me go. So finally I just told her I'd go to bed, but she couldn't say another word to me. Of course it took another hour and a half to actually get her to stop talking and let me go to sleep.

Even then my sleep was restless and she was up making much noise and crappy comments all night long.

So this morning I came down stairs to find that she had trashed the place in her tantrum. So I grabbed my clothes (from all over the room), packed them in my bag, and put the bag in the trunk. My plan is to go stay at my safe place tonight and get some much needed peace and rest.

After that, I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Not even sure I'll follow through with the plan, but the house is so trashed, I'll be damned if I go home to help her clean it.

I know that she's going to flip out if I don't come home from work tonight, but I just so need a break. I also know that she'll call today and try and be sweet and apologetic and friendly. I don't know what to do, but I do know that my feelings for her are evaporating. The only thing keeping me there right now is guilt and the thought of what hell it will be to actually move out. That's sad.

But I'm at work and the boss is being a complete bitch already. Oh joy.

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