She's Trying
2003-06-02, 9:22 a.m.

We talked Friday. We went to dinner and we talked and talked and talked. Finally. I told her that I am very close to leaving her. I am tired of her games. And, that is what it is...a game. She basically admitted it. She said she KNOWS she can make me happy, but she doesn't want to, because I want her too! Huh? Yeah that's what she said. If that's not a game, I don't know what is.

I think it's more that she's afraid of complacency. She's afraid to get comfortable. I think she equates comfortable with boring. I told her that I want a relationship where things are comfortable, but that it doesn't have to be boring.

She said she doesn't think she's the right one for me. I told her to let me go then. She didn't say anything.

I asked her if aliens had abducted the woman I fell in love with. She laughed.

I think she finally realizes that if she doesn't put some effort into this, she's going to lose me.

She said even if she loses me, she'll still be happy eventually. She said she doesn't need anyone to make her happy. I agreed that she doesn't need anyone to make her happy, but I disagreed that she'll be happy alone forever. She got defensive.

We left the restaurant, I wasn't crying, I wasn't even unhappy. We got in the car, and she kissed me. A good kiss. The first time she has initiated a kiss in a long time. The next morning she kissed me again. The next afternoon she held my hand. She's trying.

Just hope it's not too late.

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