random thoughts
2003-06-04, 8:42 a.m.

I actually got up on time this morning. I had to go to bed at 9:30 to do it, but I managed. I'm still tired though. Not sure if it's depression or what, but I just seem to be needing more sleep lately.

MyLove took today and tomorrow off because of a death in her family. I'm feeling kind of akward about it. I'm not sure what she wants from me right now. I asked her if she needed anything, she said no. I asked her if she wanted me to go to the funeral, she said she didn't know if she was going herself. So, I guess I've done what I can do, and now it's up to her. I just hoe that if she does need me to do something that she will ask. Otherwise I fear that at some point down the road, she'll say, "you weren't there for me when I needed you." Which she has done before. Yet, if I push the subject, she thinks I'm trying to push myself on to her family or something.

Speaking of family, my step dad left to go live in North Carolina. I'm sad, but I am hoping it will do him some good. Since my mother's death he has not done well. He hopes that moving out of the state and away from all the places they went together will help keep is mind off of her. I know that he's got to do something, or he's going to drink himself to death. Maybe that's what he really wants though. I know that my mother was his life.

I spoke to my ex the other day. He seems to be doing okay. He says he misses talking to me, and I admit I miss chatting with him too. He wants me to come over for dinner at his mothers soon, but he's not sure if he's ready to see me yet. I can understand. I told him I'd come when he's ready. I would like to be his friend, I'm just not sure how practical that would be.

How's everyone doing on the Random Guestbook Signing Week? I've been doing my best, but of course, of all weeks, I'm very busy and haven't had the time sign nearly as many as I had hoped. But I think I'm going to carry this on even after this week. It's fun and quite entertaining.

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