I'm confused
2003-06-18, 8:35 a.m.

I'm confused. I don't know what I should do. I still love MyLove very, very much. But, it seems that she just isn't willing to be the person she was when we first got together. The only kisses I get, are the ones I initiate, or the peck she gives me when she says goodbye. We haven't had any soft, sensual, open mouth kisses in weeks. The last time we did, I had to ask her for it, and it was a crappy kiss that felt like she'd rather do anything but kiss me. Yeah, we had sex once this weekend, but it involved me giving her all the foreplay for a half hour and then after she came, she "did" me for about 10 minutes. And that is the way sex has been with us for awhile. She never initiates it. It feels like she doesn't want me...yet she says that she does.

She doesn't call me, just to say "hi" and "I love you." She doesn't even make eye contact with me much anymore. Yet, we aren't arguing, we're talking, we're enjoying each other's company.

I don't know what to do. I love her with all my heart, but I KNOW that I need more than what she is giving. She says for me to be patient with her...but I've been patient...maybe I'm demanding too much.

But what scares the hell out of me, is not being alone, but not finding anyone who makes my heart feel like she does, makes my body feel like she does, makes me smile like she does....if she is "the one" then would I be a fool to give her up? Or maybe it is that she isn't the one if she can't provide the basics that I need. Or maybe I'm just too damn needy.

As I said, I'm confused.

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