beautiful morning
2003-06-23, 9:21 a.m.

Oh what a beautiful morning! NOT! Well the weather is great, but work sucks already. The new supervisor is on a rampage! At least I'm not her target right now.

My co-worker came back from vacation today. He's family and he brought me the coolest t-shirt! It has a picture of a girls smiling cartoon face with rainbow colored hair, and under it, it says "that girl." I think it's adorable. He says it just reminded him of me. How sweet!

Okay, I guess the day isn't that bad. I am feeling melancholy about MyLove. I laid in bed last night spooning her and just willed her to roll over and kiss me, roll over and spoon me, roll over and look lovingly into my eyes, take my hand, show any kind of affection! But she didn't.

This morning, she got up just before I left for work. She gave me the briefest of pecks, and no eye contact. I've been thinking about it and I can't remember the last time she made eye contact with me. Damn, how desperate is that? That I'm craving affection so bad that even eye contact would be great.

I know I'm always complaining, complaining, complaining, and I could leave the situation, but I don't. I just can't yet. I'm really starting to look at the situation as a good learning tool. I've never been so alone in a relationship...it's sort of like training wheels to becoming independant. At least that is how I'm choosing to look at it right now.

Yesterday I talked with a penpal of mine. We've never met in person, but we've corresponded through email and IM's for few months now. She's going through a really hard time right now too...but she told me that she's starting to fall for me. I can't deny that it's flattering, but I think she's just in a state right now where she's vunerable. It didn't make me feel uncomfortable, but I am now afraid that I might hurt her unintentionally and that is the last thing I'd want to do. I also thought...now here is someone who's never even met me in real life and she shows me more affection than my own damn girlfriend! Go figure.

Well I'm off to work before the warden comes around again.

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