I just don't know
2006-07-19, 9:45 a.m.

Okay so just when I think everything with Eagle is looking up....she does something stupid. Now, don't get me wrong, it wasn't a huge thing, but it was a thing nonetheless. See Monday she called to tell me she was having major cravings for ephedrine and she had money and keys and was talking herself out of going to the store. Well she did talk herself out of it and didn't go. Great! Happy for her.

But then...yesterday, she had to go to the post office, I left her $10.00 which was just enough to mail the package that needed to be mailed. She never once mentione cravings or anything. Today, I log into her bank account and see that she took out $20.00 yesterday....so that tells me, that she used it for no good. And yesterday she was feeling sick and peeing a lot and I asked her outright if she took pills and she adamently denied it.....it seems things never ever change.

So now her bank is $20.00 short for a check that is going to clear anyday now. What the hell?

It's like I'm living with a teenager. Ugh. I keep saying if she continues to fuck up, I'm leaving her this fall. So, does this count toward that? How many of these do I need?

Truth is...I don't want to leave. My life is emeshed with hers now. I have found comfort within her family, I have a beautiful home, wonderful animal children, someone who does the cooking and cleaning....I don't want to leave all of that. So what am I going to do? What am I willing to do? I don't know. I really don't know.

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