happy but scared
2003-08-04, 11:53 a.m.

Where do I begin? Let me first start off by saying I am very happy right now. I'm a bit scared too, but overall very happy.

Let me explain. Friday, MyLove slept all night long, got up long enough to have some dinner and then went back to bed. She also broke out in hives. I knew there was something eating at her...I just had no clue what. All I knew was that earlier in the day she had called to say that her apartment was not ready yet and that she wouldn't be moving on Sunday.

Saturday, we went to my friend's BBQ. A couple hours after we were there, she looked at me. And she smiled and her eyes got so clear....and she looked lighter all of a sudden. And she said, "my head just popped out of my ass." She stood up and she looked like a little child. Happy and carefree. She said....but I need to do something first. She went on to explain that the plan up until that very moment was this: The ExfromHell was flying into Michigan on Sunday. MyLove was to tell me that she was going to Texas for training for work, but really picking the ex up and spending the week in a hotel with her. Then they were flying out on Friday together to go back to Vegas, pack up the ex and drive her stuff back to Michigan to live with MyLove. Somewhere in the middle of all this MyLove was going to break the news to me. But Saturday she said she woke up and I was the first person she thought about and she realized that I'm ALWAYS the first person she thinks about and that she doesn't love the ex, she loves me, but she can't say no to the ex and that is how she got into this mess. She said, "even if you tell me to fuck off and die right now...I'm not going through with this with the ex." She said, "would you like to listen to the call?" And I said, "yes." So I heard her tell her that it's not going to work, that she loves me, that she is going to fight to keep me because she has treated me so badly and that the ex needs to let her go. I listened to the ex beg her to change her mind, but MyLove was strong and she stared into my eyes as she told all of this to the ex. And then they hung up. And MyLove told me she loves me and that she is sorry for hurting me and that she wants me to forgive her and she is finally ready to love me the way I deserve to be loved. She said she wants me to get rid of my car and use one of hers, she said she wants to make the house our home and....I believe her.

Sunday, the ex flew into Michigan anyway. MyLove was restless, I could tell. But she had not returned any of the messages the ex had left, and she was not going to. She gave me her cell phone to keep so that she would not have the temptation there.

I believe her, I want to believe her, but I'm scared.

So....I'm happy....but I'm scared. And I'll write more soon.

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