pain fucking hurts
2003-08-05, 11:27 a.m.

I'm still hanging in there. Actually I think I'm doing better than I thought that I would. But I can't help but harbor the thought in the back of my mind that it's not really over. That she'll be back. And the thing is, she will be back. I know that. But I need to not let her back in. How do I do that? It's like giving up smoking, or drinking, or any other addiction. And it's HARD. And I'm no I'm not the only one who has felt this way. But it so feels like that right now.

My Crush, though she has some baggage, has really been a help to me. So has my online friend Billyboy. I'm greatful to all my supports and I thank everyone for their thoughts and encouragements.

I'll be okay. Eventually. Just wish there was something I could do to speed the process....cause pain fucking hurts. Yeah. Duh.

Oh and of course MyexLove called today and said that she never told her mother they were getting back together, just that she was confused. But what I've finally realized is...she needs to let that relationship before she can start another one. And, had I known the extent that this relationship was...I would have insisted on that in the beginning. But as is her way, she lied to me about it and she continued to lie.

Do I really want a liar? No. But damn I love her.

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