her back is against the wall
2003-09-08, 11:46 a.m.

She got my email. I backed her into a corner and she came out swinging. Not the reception I wanted, but it is what I expected.

She got defensive. She said, "well if you are doing this just so you can hurt me in the end then you're a loser." That's not the response I was hoping for. And I told her so.

I said if you don't want to risk it then don't. Let's cut our losses right here and right now. She said, "fine go be with Eagle." And then she hung up.

I let it be. She called back in a few minutes to say she loves me and that she knows what she's going to do. She says if I hear from her again today that means she's going to fight for me and do what I'm asking. If I don't hear from her, then that means she's letting me go. I guess it's her way of torturing me (or so she thinks).

Right now...I really big part of me wishes she would just let me go now because I don't think she can do what I'm asking of her. And in the long run I'm setting myself up for disappointment, knowing that. But there is a strong part of me....aching to have her do this finally....to FINALLY show me what I'm worth to her.

Time will tell....I'm not sweating it right now though. I'm okay.

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