Friday at last
2005-09-30, 8:36 a.m.

Friday at last. Damn, I made it, but barely. I feel like I'm running on empty today, and I have to bowl tonight. There's something about CONSTANTLY worrying about money that can just make you exhausted. Turns out I did not have to go to a paycheck advance place, Eagle's mom loaned us the money. Thank goodness.

Eagle told me that she feels like I've been "treating her like shit" since she fessed up about taking pills. I told her that I have not treated her like shit by any means, but I also have not minced words about the money that she is wasting, the fact that I am unhappy she is taking the pills, and that is all news she doesn't want to hear. If she is translating my speaking my opinion and the truth of our financial situation and the fact that it is a DIRECT result of her using, as treating her like shit, then so be it. But I told her her many partners would treat her much much worse, if they even bothered to stick around.

We were on our way to the weekly euchre tournament that I used to go to. It's only $6.00 a person and you have the chance of winning $60 or $70, plus it's fun. Anyway, we were screaming at each other for awhile, then she got really quiet, then she started agreeing with me, and admitting that she just can't help it. I told her that I know that it's hard, but I know a lot of other people who have managed to get clean and drug free and if they can do it, so can she. She listened to me and then after cards she once again said she would do it. I am trying to be supportive when she says stuff like that, but it's starting sound very familiar. You know? But I'll do my best to support her, but continue to be strong and vigilant against her using. I am no longer the push over that I was and I think that translates as "you're being mean to me." So be it then, this is me being mean.

On the bright side, hopefully, Eagle got her schedule for her first week at work. She is scheduuled for Tue through Fri. 1:30p.m. to 10:00p.m., which will be strange for me, I'm so not used to being home alone! Then on Friday she works 9:30 to 6:00 so she can go to bowling. Which is cool. If all goes well next Friday she will get her first paycheck. THat will definitely help.

Okay I'm off and need to get some work done now. Have a good weekend.

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