happy and confident
2003-09-02, 8:33 a.m.

Oh what a weekend I had. Friday was spent hanging out with Eagle. Early Saturday morning was spent talking on the phone for hours with MyexLove. She was extremely jealous and I explained that right now she has no leg to stand on. As long as she is living in the same apartment as TheExfromHell, she has no right to dictate who I see, when I see them, or what I do with them. She finally saw my point.

Saturday I went to the bar and had a great time with DJ. She was hillarious and hopefully a great new friend. She actually met a couple and invited them to our table and I got to meet two new friends. Except I lost their email address...which sucks. Hopefully I can find it though.

Sunday morning again was spent talking MyexLove down from her jealous fears.

Monday was spent with Eagle who showed up at my house at 8:00 a.m. needing to see me. So I let her in and we had a really great heart to heart talk. I explained to her where I'm at with MyexLove. And, although she thinks it's unfair, she can understand what I have to do. Then we went to her family BBQ and had a nice evening. Monday night, once again, was spent telling MyexLove that if she keeps it up with the jealously that she can forget getting me back. Again, she changed her tune.

Now I am reflecting on the weekend. I enjoyed it and I've come to realize that yes, I am feeling a rush knowing that I've got two women chasing me. But I also feel guilty....because I do still LOVE Myexlove. And, if she continues to do and say what I need her to, then I will give her another chance...eventually. Eagle on the other hand...I know that I could fall in love with her if I let myself. But she is at a crossroads of her own right now. She needs to do the things that she wants to do for herself, not for me, or for anyone else. I told her that I'll be her friend and I'll support her as best I can. But, I am not going to become her guardian, her keeper, or anything else like that.

She said she loves me and that if MyexLove makes me happy then she will respect that and maintain a friendship with me. She also said that who knows, maybe in a year, MyexLove will have fucked up again and she'll be sitting pretty with a job and the stability in her life that she is trying to achieve right now. I suppose that could happen.

And, no, I am not back together with MyexLove. I will not give her that until she is no longer living with TheExFromHell....and I won't give it forever for that to happen. I have a narrow window in which I think is a reasonable time before she should be out based on her getting a job and getting the money to move out. Let me say that if by Thanksgiving she is not out....I will be on my way out.

MyexLove tells me that TheExfromHell has said that she understands that she still loves me and will be out as soon as possible and will cut off ALL contact....we'll see.

In the meantime...I'm doing okay. I really am feeling happy and confident about myself.

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