Oh the weather outside is frightful
2005-01-19, 9:07 a.m.

Not much to say today. I'm tired as always, though I got more sleep last night. Eagle and my sister went to the airport at 9:30 p.m. to pick up Eagle's mom last night. They got back around 1:00 a.m. So I got to go to sleep earlier than normal which was good, but not early enough I swear.

The weather outside sucks. Yesterday it was like 15 below zero with wind chill, today it's slightly warmer but it's blizzarding and blowing snow everywhere. It's miserable.

All in all it's adding up to me feeling kind of down today. My step family lived up to their reputation yesterday. With the all out drama fest still in full force, they sent Eagle an email explaining how I am not a part of their family and never will be. It's not so shocking to me, I always felt that they felt that way, I just chaulked it up to insecurities, but now I see that I was right. The only person from that family that I ever felt truly accepted me as a family member is SisterM and she is the one staying with us. I love her very much and I feel bad for her because the rest of her family has now "disowned" her for the time being at least. It's all so petty and childish it amazes me. But oh well...this too shall pass. Someday when they need something, they'll be back. That's the way it always goes.

On the list of reasons why I love Eagle so much and why it is that I'm willing to put up with so much for this relationship is what she did last night for me. When I went upstairs to go to bed, she had written me a huge note on a piece of cardboard that said she missed me already and would be home to hold me soon. She also put her childhood stuffed animal next to it and told me he'd keep me company. How sweet is that? Then, this morning, I got in my car and on my seat was a huge package of sunflower seeds, which I LOVE, and one of my favorite candybars. This is what I mean when I say no one else has ever been so thoughtful so consistently with me. It is definitely one of the reasons that I fell in love with her, and why I am still there, through it all. I may have to give out a lot of myself for her, but she does give me a lot back when she can.

Well I'd better get some work done. For those of you suffering winters extremes like we are, hang in there and keep warm and dry!

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