Dammit
2005-01-19, 4:27 p.m.

I'm sad. I have my counseling tonight. That's good. Eagle's being a pain in my ass again. I wake up to great notes and stuff and then as soon as she gets up she starts in on me. I don't know how much more I can take.

She hangs up on me 5 times at least today for no reason, and SHE'S having a bad day. What about my day?

Now she's coming to pick me up from work and I have two options. Try as hard as I can to pretend everything is fine. Or not. Either way, I'm sure I'm in for attitude.

What the fuck? I am so tired of this. So very tired of everything right now. Why can't she just be logical all the time? Or even most of the time? Why does she have to take out her frustrations on me? Why is it okay for her to do that? Well it's not okay, but the alternative is to fight about it because if I SAY anything about it, it'll turn into a huge fight. Whereas if I just ignore it, it'll be tense for a bit, but it won't escalate.

I konw this is not healthy. I know. I guess I just keep hoping that eventually it will be healthy. There are so many good reasons to stay, despite all the bullshit.

Life sucks sometimes, and I hate it when I let it get the better of me. I'm better, stronger, wiser, and healthier than that. Dammit.

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