she loves me completely
2004-01-20, 9:19 a.m.

Well back to work on this very cold (-4 with windchill) Tuesday morning. I had a pretty relaxing weekend though.

I'm feeling slightly anxious because MyLove starts a new position at work today and her schedule and what not is not really known yet. I know I'm spoiled, but I like the fact that I can usually talk to her at least once throughout my work day, but that's not going to be the case for awhile.

She and I had another really great weekend together. Things are going so well with us that I KNOW we are ready to settle down and start the family we both dream about. But OF COURSE TheExFromHell is still in MyLove's apartment, which drives me INSANE!! But there's nothing I can do about it. If MyLove feels the need to not be stern with her and tell her to get the fuck out, well there's not much I can do. MyLove tells me that TheExFromHell is looking for other places to live, but that she keeps getting turned down due to credit, which I find difficult to believe. But whatever.

I'm happy with MyLove, I think she and I are finally as at ease with each other as we have ever been. I think there's a trust between us that was never there before. I also think that she is ready for a family, ready for no more drama, ready to be with me for the rest of her life.

It ocurred to me fairly recently that I sometimes thought that MyLove was incapable of loving me completely and totally, based on her past behaviors. But at some point in the recent past I realized that she does love me completely and totally. She may not always show it the way that I think she should, but she does. She loves me the way I deserve to be loved, and knowing that, gives me the strength to get through this.

But right now, I miss her already, and it's going to be a very long week.

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