sad, resentful, and relieved
2005-02-15, 10:08 a.m.

Not much to say today. I'm feeling sad that my sister is moving to NC. I feel like it's my fault because Eagle is so impossible to live with. I know logically it is NOT my fault. I also know logically that all she really had to do was get busy looking for a job, show some effort in getting her GED, etc., and things would have been smoother. Last night my sister basically confirmed that she is moving to NC because she can't live with Eagle and she has no where else to go.

I'm not even going to bring it up to Eagle until after she is long gone. She told Eagle a different reason for moving to NC so as to spare a confrontation.

I also think she's running away from her problems. Which she agreed with as well. She's bounced around from family member to family member. Its time she stop doing that, and take some responsibilty for her life. Which is what Eagle (in her way) was trying to do. Eagle's GREAT at fixing other people's lives.

Anyway, it was a sad evening. I felt like crying. I don't want to lose another family member. But what can I do? Wish her the best I guess. She seems to have her mind made up.

Part of me is resentful of Eagle because I know that my sister would not be moving if Eagle could have just let up, but that's not her. She can't just let up. I know her heart was in the right place, but I'm still angry that she had to be so damn controlling! It obviously did not work to get my sister motivated, it just pushed her away.

The rest of me though is relieved. The stress of it all was too much for me to want to deal with. It's only been the past few months that I've learned how to live peacefully with Eagle. I do not want to go back to the stress of that. From now on, there will be NOBODY live with us EVER AGAIN. She just cannot handle it.

So here I am. At work, kind of sad, kind of resentful, and kind of relieved all at the same time.

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