Feeling Better
2003-02-11, 11:11 a.m.

I feel better today. MyLove did come over and we went to dinner and we talked/fought. But we worked things out.

One thing I'm confused about though is that in all relationship/conflict management books and classes they say you should state your feelings in the form of "I feel..." etc. Well thats exactly what I did last night with MyLove and she still flew off the handle. Which, of course, took me by surprise. Now I know that she is sick with a cold and stuff, but man...she really heard something completely different than what I was trying to tell her.

I plainly said "I feel like my need to be with you on a regular basis, is greater than your need to be with me." And I followed it up with saying, "but that is okay...we're just different in that way, it's not either of our faults and I'll adjust." But she got angry and later told me that she felt I was telling her that I love her and want her more than she loves and wants me...which is SO not what I was saying. I think even after we discussed it, a part of her still believes that I feel that way and that I as trying to make her feel bad. Which I wasn't.

Really my intention in initiating the whole conversation was just to talk about how I was feeling and get it out. I was talking with her about it more as my friend and companion rather than trying to assign blame...but she didn't get that. What did I do wrong?

Well regardless we worked everything out, and we made love and the connection is so still there. I know that we love each other more than anything, I really do. But she is just more independant that I am. Maybe we'll meet somewhere in the middle, maybe we won't. I know that I love her and I want to be with her forever, but....a part of me wonders if it will be enough. Do I need more than she can or is willing to give?

What do I really need? I need love, honesty, and affection....is that too much to ask? On top of that, though I don't need it, I would like spontenaity, romance, surprises, and things like that, but I can live without those...I think. Regardless, MyLove is the one that I am completely and totally in love with right now and I'm going to continue to live in the now and see where it takes me.

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