Aggrevation and thankfulness
2004-02-18, 8:43 a.m.

Have I mentioned how awesome it is to come home and find everything just the way I left it? Not to mention with their furniture gone it seems so much less cluttered. It feels great.

Yesterday my ex-mother-in-law called to ask about Roommate Guy (remember he was originally ex-hubbies long time friend) and I told her I did not know how to contact him. Do you think its a coincidence that ex-hubby called later that night? I got home to a voice mail from him. I'm sure his mom put a bug in his ear and now he wants the scoop. I'm sure he'll be tickled that Roommate Guy and I are on the outs. Oh well.

Remember Eagle? Well I do still keep in touch with her. I feel mostly like her counselor and life coach. But she drives me crazy because she just won't stop making excuses for why she is the way she is. Why she just CAN'T find and keep a job. Why she just CAN'T stop smoking pot or drinking. Why she just CAN'T make relationships work...etc. It drives me crazy that there is this 32 year old woman with no ambition, no goals, no direction and worst of all....unwilling or unable to see that she is the only one that can make things happen in her life. Only her.

She lost her older sister to cancer. Her older sister was the "successful one." She went to school, got a masters degree, had a great job, a great husband, the perfect life....and then died of cancer. Eagle actually said to me, "why bother working hard when you could end up like my sister?" What the fuck? To that I asked her two questions. One, does she really believe that her sister regretted all of her accomplishments, just because she ended up dying young from cancer? And two, doesn't she realize that her sister would be PISSED to know that she uses her as a reason not to try?

Oh its so aggrevating. I don't know why I keep trying. Its just that I see so much potential in this person. She's smart, she's hasn't had to struggle for anything, and she's missing the point of life. She's missing the feeling of accomplishment, of being self-sufficient, of being alive!

MyLove says she has no respect for people like Eagle because they are weak. I can understand why she feels that way. Rather than have no respect for her, I just feel sorry for her. I want to help her, but I've come to realize that she KNOWS it all. She just is unwilling to do it.

I know that when I start a family of my own, I won't have the time, energy, or desire to continue to be her coach. I wonder if she'll ever get it.

But listening to her makes me so thankful for my life. Thankful for my accomplishments. Thankful for the hurts and struggles that have made me who I am. And thankful that the person that I am in love with and that loves me, is the same kind of person as me. Hardworking and strong.

Okay now I'm off to work hard.

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