Long weekend and special date today
2006-02-21, 8:58 a.m.

Well so much for the long weekend. It was awefully short! We had a very relaxing time in Indiana though. Which was nice. I know Eagle's aunt and uncle are worried about her though because she's so very down and sleeps so much. I told them that she is depressed and terrified about jail. They tried to talk to her. To tell her that jail will not be as bad as she fears. She'll make it through it. That everything happens for a reason. All the stuff I've been telling her too. But I think she's doing everything that she can right now, just to get through each day without having a panic attack.

After all this is over though, and I've let Eagle know how I feel about this, she needs to start a new. She needs to figure out what she's going to do with her life, and do it. I'm tired of trying to live both of our lives. I need her to pull her own weight. I need to her to get back to loving me the way that I love her. I deserve it. I deserve to be loved the way that I love and she used to be able to do it, but she is so encompassed with this fear of jail that she seems to have wrapped herself into a cacoon and has not ability to do for anyone else. Okay fine, but I can't/won't live like that forever.

Okay I have an admission to make. Remember when I said I blocked MYEX from my blog? Well I unblocked her a few days later. Why? Because I liked knowing that when/if she was reading my blog because I fancied that she still cared about my life that way. So what's my point? She hasn't read me in a very long time now and I'm sad. Shouldn't I be over her by now? It's really starting to disturb me that I still think about her every single day. Is that the way it will be forever? How do you stop thinking about someone?

I just now looked at the date and realized it's my mother's birthday. So Mom, Happy Birthday. I wish you were still here so that I could tell you this in person, but you're not. You've moved on to what comes next and I know that you are happy. I love you.

So that's it for now. I'm excited that American Idol is on three nights this week! Woo Hoo!

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