her little flower child
2004-03-01, 8:53 a.m.

This weekend MyLove and I had some interesting converations. Basically she hates to see people treat me like shit. She says that I take too much crap from people and then forgive them later. Which is true. But I pointed out to her that if I were not that type of person, she and I would not be together right now. I forgave her. I continue to deal with the fact that she still lives with TheExFromHell. So I asked her, if she was saying that it's okay for me to do that for her, but not for anyone else.

She thought about it and said no. She said that she feels our situation is different because she has proven herself to me. And I agreed that she has. But why should I not give anyone else that same opportunity to prove themselves? She just said that it hurts her to see me hurt. I understand that, but I told her that a big part of who I am is a person who forgives, who doesn't hold grudges, who likes to try and save people, help lost souls and the like. And then I told her that I feel like she doesn't like that quality about me and that bothers me.

She said that she loves it about me. She just doesn't like to see me hurt. But she also doesn't want me to change. I told her that was good because I don't want to change. Sure I may be harder now than I was, and that's good. I learn quicker now who will take advantage of me and who won't. But underneath it all I'm still a peace loving person.

She agreed and called me her little flower child.

I hope that she does understand that this is who I am and I don't want to change it. I hope she does love and respect me for it. I think she does, but I think it makes her uncomfortable too. I'm not really sure why. Maybe she thinks that I am trying to make her like me. I'm not. I don't want to change her. But in the same vein, I don't want her to change me either.

I think she and I are together for a reason. And that reason is that we are two very different people who could benefit from learning from each other.

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