Her head is up her ass
2003-03-04, 4:17 p.m.

MyLove seems to have her head up her ass right now. That's a cute term she and I use to describe when one or the other of us is acting like an idiot and doing nothing about changing the behavior. She is sullen, quiet, crabby, irritable, and just plain bitchy right now. And that is fine, I can handle that my partner may have bad days....but for crying out loud....I'm the one that went through hell for a week. And now I've got to deal with her mood too? All I want from her right now is to take me in her arms and hold me and tell me she loves me and that it's going to be okay. But she won't or can't do that. Is that too much to ask?

I've been thinking more and more about what is keeping me in this relationship. I go back and forth between wanting to keep it going and wanting to just give up...throw in the towel and move on. But I don't want to give up too soon. I've had a taste of what our life can be like together and I don't want to give that up!

Last month I was so wrapped up in love and heaven that it was like a dream come true. We were happy, carefree, laughing, just enjoying being in love and not wanting to be seperated from one another at all. Now after TheEXfromHELL's visit, she is sullen and tells me that she needs to focus on packing this weekend rather than spending time with me. What happened to the woman who couldn't get enough of me? Where does she go when she disappears? When will she come back? Am I willing to wait it out...and if so, am I willing to risk that she'll disappear again and again and again?

Why can't I just find someone who loves me the way I am, loves me all the time, not when it's convenient. Is there anybody out there for me? Is this all I get? I get to experience true love but only for the briefest of moments? I wonder if the saying "better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" is really all that it's cracked up to be. Personally, my heart hearts and sometimes I wish that I hadn't found my true love if all we are is destined to ruin it.

I just want to shake her, hold her, kiss her, whatever it takes to get her attention....but she just keeps pushing me away right now. Why can't she just hold me? Why can't she just tell me what she knows I want to hear?

I love her so very much....I don't know what do to. Anybody have any advice? I'm open to it.

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