Brand new day....almost
2003-03-05, 9:35 a.m.

It's a brand new day. Well almost at least. MyLove and I talked last night and I told her that if feels like she is punishing me for the way that I acted when TheEXfromHELL was here. She didn't respond to that statement. But it did open up communication that wasn't there before. She said that she feels her walls are coming back up and she doesn't know why. I told her that we've been through a very stressful time and we haven't yet been able to just hold each other and love each other and remember that. She agreed. I could hear her voice start to relax.

As for me, I really have been okay. I've been frustrated with her attitude because I don't think that she has any right to be angry with me about anything that happened. The fact is that she lied to me....and no small lie at that. But she seems to forget that part of it and focus on the fact that I had a meltdown. Well I feel like my meltdown was entirely normal given the circumstances. And I think, deep down, she would agree with me...but she's too damn stubborn!

I still can't say with 100% certainity that we'll make it through this. But I can say that my heart is slowly losing ground to my head. My head is saying that this is not something I want to go through again. It's already happened twice, I won't let it happen again. But I also want to be able to be open and comfortable with her, so I need to protect myself, but keep my walls down. Not sure if that is possible, but I'm willing to try.

Only one more night before we can spend some quality time together and I hope with all my hope that is all that we need right now. Good, quality, loving time together.

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