The gloves came off
2003-03-06, 10:00 a.m.

Okay now it really is a brand new day. Finally, yesterday I'd had enough. I finally told MyLove to kiss my ass! And guess what...it worked. I don't know, just me going off on her seemed to snap her out of whatever it was she was going through. But I got to the point where she was ragging on me about something and I just snapped and thought, "I don't care if she doesn't want to hear this right now, I've got to get it out." And I did.

Afterwards she said, "do you feel better now?" and I said, "yeah, I feel all pumped up, sort of like Rocky!" I really need to have the confidence to do that more often. It seems that she responds well when I tell her off! That's very strange, and hard for me to get used to.

She always said she likes the fiesty me. Well I need to keep the fiesty me around more often. And it feels good. I feel wonderful for the first time in a week! I slept the whole night through without waking up once! And the dog, who has been unable to hold his pee all night long in his cage, actually held it for the first time! Life is wonderful again.

Today is our appointment with the infertility specialists to see about getting pregnant. I'm nervous, but excited. I wonder if this is what we should be doing right now, but it feels right, so I'm going to go with it.

As MyLove said to me last night, "we never said it would be easy to be together, we only said, we HAD to be together." And maybe that is somewhat true, and it is easy to be with her when we are getting along. When either of us is in a "mood" well then all bets are off, and so it seems, the gloves come off too!

Well I'm going to bask in the warmth of true love for awhile and pray that it sticks around. I'm also going to hang on to this new feeling of, not letting the fear of losing her control how I act. Therein lies the secret to my happiness.

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