feeling great
2004-03-04, 8:42 a.m.

I realized last night that I'm a nomad. The longest I have ever lived in one house was four years my whole life. I also realized that when my mom passed away, I lost the only "home" I ever knew.

Maybe that is why I've searched so hard to find my home. But knowing this has helped me to realize that home is wherever I am. Wherever I feel safe and comfortable. I no longer have to search for a place outside myself. I've had it all within me the whole time.

So people in my life have asked me lately, "why isn't MyLove moving in with you now that your roommates are gone?" I admit it's hard to explain it without sounding like she is really doing a number on me. So what I've ended up doing is being vague about specifics, but emphasizing that it's okay. I'm enjoying this time living alone again. I'm not in a rush to move in with her right now. And, when the time is right for both of us and our situations, it'll happen. Because that really is the important part of it. I'm NOT sitting at home crying that she's not there, or that she's living where she is. I'm at home and happy to be there and not feeling lonely at all. When it comes down to it, all the rest of it is just circumstance. What's important is how I feel underneath it all. And I am happy to say that I feel great!

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