I choose to be happy over being right
2005-03-04, 9:35 a.m.

Well, it's Friday. Me and my co-worker made it through another week. We worked our asses off let me tell you. I've come home exhausted every single night.

And that leads me to Eagle who had a meltdown. She kept asking me what was wrong, why was I mad at her, what did she do, blah blah blah. I told her that I was not mad at her, I was tired, feeling overwhelmed from work, and just kind of out of it. I thought she understood, but apparently she did not. And then I made the mistake of actually telling her how I felt. I told her that I was envious of her because when she gets a cold she doesn't have a boss that makes her go to work anyway. Now when I said that, I meant what I said. Period. Well in her mind she heard me saying, "well you're sick and you don't do anything around here and you're worthless." Which is not even close to what I said, or meant. Add that to....she asked me for the last $3 I had to my name so she could buy caffeine pills the next day. I said no. I told her I need my money for coffee in the morning and she should not be taking caffeine pills anyway. So then say says, "you buy coffee every morning?" I said yes I do. She starts going on and on about why don't I make coffee at home and take it with me, and why didn't I ever tell her that I bought coffee every morning....and I got pissed and defensive. I said, I don't need to tell you that, it's just what I do, and I've always done. I don't want to take coffee on the bus in the morning, and besides I've already given up buying my lunch like I used to, I'm not going to give up my coffee. Well...that was it. She was pissed. And I 'HURT HER FEELINGS' ugh. I'm so sick of hearing how I hurt her goddamn feelings it isn't even funny.

So the rest of that night and all day yesterday we were both pissed as hell at each other. She reverted to her childish ways and called to yell then hang up on me through my lunch hour. Then wouldn't answer my calls, or emails. She refused to hear my side of it and only wanted an apology. But I was determined not to have to apologize for something I didn't say! That's crazy!

So last night I stayed up in the bedroom, she stayed in the livingroom until bedtime at which time we were civil, but nothing more.

This morning I woke up missing her. Fuck right or wrong, I apologized. I sent her an email apologizing for hurting her feelings and telling her that I did not mean what she thought I meant, but regardless I am sorry. It's the right and adult thing to do. For love sometimes you can either be right or you can be happy. I choose to be happy. Besides I missed our nightly cuddling and I want the hostility gone between us.

So, hopefully it will all work out today and we can have a good weekend.

Now I'd best get working.

last - next