It's Official
2006-03-06, 9:13 a.m.

I had a pretty good weekend. Friday was court and it is official now, Eagle will have to spend 30 days in jail. She goes on Thursday to plead guilty and get a sentencing date. So, she�ll probably be in jail during April. I cannot go with her on Thursday either, so we�ve asked a friend of ours to take her and she is going to.

The rest of the weekend was pretty quiet. I find myself getting irritated with her more and more lately because I feel like I�m having to act like her mother. She isn�t doing her share around the house. Then I had to go visit my grandma and take her to see grandpa and it would have been nice for Eagle to go with me. But she chose to sit on her ass at home, which is what she does all the time lately. I am not bringing it up to her right now though, I know she has enough on her mind, but it�s hard for me to not let my irritation show sometimes. So we spoke briefly about it yesterday and she apologized for not doing anything and for just being so dependant lately. I told her that it is definitely getting to me, but I do understand that she�s freaking about going to jail. I get that, but I�m still human and I still feel frustrated.

Anyway, we managed not to argue, and had a fairly relaxing weekend. Though I�ve been bugging her over and over again to get the laundry caught up and keep it that way and she just refuses. Last time I did it all and put it all away and now it�s backed up again and it looks like if I want clean clothes it�s going to be up to me to do it again. I should be used to this though, that is the way my ex-husband was too. He never lifted a damn finger around the house. At least Eagle does pick up some, and she cooks, which is a HUGE plus. She also takes out the trash and sometimes does actually clean.

I�ve promised Eagle that I won�t leave her while she�s in jail, and I mean it. I�ve decided that jail is going to be the starting point from where I want to be. I�ve told her that when she gets out, I expect her to start being the person that she wants to be. She�ll have no drugs or alcohol and being on probation will assure that. I also told her that if she goes back to jail for any reason, that will be enough. I will not stick through it again. So, I�m going to look at the day that she�s released as a new beginning for us. Throughout all of this ordeal I have seen the part of her that I�ve fallen so in love with shine off and on. I want to see that part shine all the time. I so hope that will happen.

At any rate, I�m still going to take it all one day at a time.

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