I can only hope
2003-03-10, 9:27 a.m.

This weekend was interesting, kinda boring, and I was sick. But MyLove and I spent a lot of time together. She keeps pointing out that there is tension between us. I feel the tension too, but I think that it is more on her part than on mine. Yes I feel a bit hesitant to get really close again, but I am still being very loving and attentive to her. However, she seems to have built her walls back up again. What pisses me off is that she is the one that lied, she is the one that gave me the cold shoulder, she is the one that put her ex's feelings over mine, yet it seems like she is punishing me! I said that to her, and she said that she is upset with the way that I reacted, but I told her that I reacted the way most people would. I told her that my reaction is nothing to compared to the reasons I had for reacting that way. She then got defensive and told me that when I point out what she does wrong it makes her defensive. I said I understand that, but how else am I supposed to let her know what is bothering me?

At any rate we discussed the possibility that maybe, although we love each other, we just aren't meant to be. Maybe our love is not enough to keep us together. We both cried, and then I left. While we were apart we both thought about it and she invited me back to her place that night. I arrived with movies, dinner, and munchies. We crawled into bed and watched the movie and cuddled and things felt really natural for the first time in a long time. We slept soundly with each other and in the morning I left to go run some errands. I think that we are headed back in the right directions. I can only hope.

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