How do I feel?
2003-03-12, 11:20 a.m.

Had a great counseling session last night. It was kind of funny though because my counselor wanted me to pat myself on the back for the stides I've made over the past week, and I found it difficult to do. I kept wanting to deflect the credit, or discount it somehow. Why do I do that I wonder?

But she was happy that I've been trying to actually figure out how I feel at any given moment. Which, believe it or not, is not easy to do considering I've never been in touch with how I feel on my own. I've always just tuned myself into the person I love and let that dictate how I feel. So this week I've asked myself several times, "how do I feel?" Most of the time, right off the bat, I don't know how I feel. I really have to think about it. But I suppose it will get easier. Let's see how do I feel right now? I feel a bit tense, but happy for the most part. Definitely ready for lunch in a half hour.

Things with MyLove are going really well, even though we haven't seen each other since Sunday. On the phone she said it feels like months since she's seen me and that she misses me. I asked her if she plans to come over tomorrow night after work and she said she'll see how her day goes. I told her that if she doesn't come over, I'm planning to go to the gay bar for karaoke. She's like, "hey, you can't go to bar without me...like you're single or something." I told her that she wouldn't want to go with me anyway and she agreed. I assured her that I am not going as if I'm single and that I don't want to be single. I said I'm all hers and she said good. But I don't know what kind of reaction I'll get if I do actually go. It's kind of funny to me though that she had no problems with me going to the bar alone when TheEXfromHell was visiting! Hmmm.

This weekend MyLove may have to work. She aske me if I'd be willing to start packing her apartment while she is at work. I said sure. I was actually a bit surprised that she would ask. But I have no problems doing it for her. I'm a good packer and her apartment is fairly well organized, so it won't even be difficult to do.

Well I guess that's all for now. I'm feeling pretty happy right now and rather content. Wow, that was pretty easy....I think I'm making progress.

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