Oh What a Weekend!
2003-03-18, 10:25 a.m.

Oh what a weekend I had!! MyLove and I spent the entire time together, except for one night that she got called into work. But I spent that evening packing for her. We are definitely back to where we were before TheEXfromHEll's visit. I was afraid that we might not ever get back to that...but we did. She asked me to let her back into my heart. I thought that I had, but during the days we spent together I realized that I hadn't fully. But I have now. But I am also holding tight to myself and not going to let myself get wrapped so tight in her that I forget everything else. When that happens the fear of losing her engulfs me with panic and lonliness...I don't ever want to experience that again.

I realized something this weekend too. I realized that MyLove has always had this affect on women it seems. We went through a box of her old cards and letters and there were hundreds of cards from women and letters declaring their undying love for her. It was amazing. She has this aura about her that just attracts women like crazy. I must admit that it made me feel a bit insecure fully realizing this. We talked about it and she explained that she's always known she has this "curse" as she calls it, but that during the time of all of these relationships she was in love with me. Not them. Maybe I am niave, but I believe her. I told her that I feel incredibly fortunate to know that I am the one she is choosing to settle down and spend the rest of her life with. I can also see why she has such a fear of commitment because she has had so many people to choose from over her lifetime that limiting that down to one has got to be a fear inducing idea.

Anyway, we made love yesterday for hours and it was the most incredible experience I've ever had. We connected on so many levels and the pleasure was so overwhelming to me that I screamed, moaned, and even cried. To look into her eyes as she makes love to me, has got to be the most incredible thing I've ever experienced. We became almost like animals. I even left scratchs and bruises on her back! I found out that I can achieve orgasm without any genital stimulation. That was an amazing discovery. Our bodies belong together so well that I can't believe that we won't be together forever. Today I am left with the memories or our lovemaking yesterday and also some soreness...but every time I feel the tender pain...it reminds me of it all over again and puts a wicked smile on my face.

We watched the President's address last night and I think that MyLove is feeling a bit emotional at the thought of war. She served quite a few years in the army and was there for Desert Storm, so I know that this has got to be bringing back some memories for her. I hope that she will talk to me about them...I am going to make sure she knows that I am there for her.

The only down spot in our time together was that TheExfromHELL called to say that she needs to have surgery in September and wants to know if MyLove can be there for her and her daughter. Of course MyLove would say yes, because that is the kind of person that she is...but she did say that she would like me to be there with her as well. So that makes me happy. I feel that September is a long way away and anything can happen in the meantime, so I'm not going to focus on it. But if it comes and MyLove feels the need to travel to help her ex out, then I will go with her and support her decision. I just hope that in the meantime her ex finds someone else to be her support. We'll see.

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