Thanks mom
2005-03-24, 10:42 a.m.

Well, new details are emerging around the whole "suspended for internet usage case." Turns out he was posting racial slurs on a website during work hours and someone reported him. So we are all breathing a little be easier now. It's really odd though because this guy APPEARS to be so not racial biased, it's really surprising.

Well I feel better today. But I made a doctor's appointment for a complete check up. My hands and wrists have been very achey lately too. Plus, I think I may still have a lingering bladder infection. Oh it's hell to get old I tell ya.

All is well on the home front. Eagle is still kind of pissy, but last night I called her on it and she apologized. She was getting very snippy all night and I got sick of it. She apologized later and told me to keep on telling her so she knows. I think that's pretty damn cool.

I'm still craving sdome independence again. I miss my old apartment. I long to do what I want, when I want, and not have to worry about anyone else's feelings on a daily basis. But I'm sure this will pass. I just wish I'd given myself a little bit longer alone. I'm sure if I told Eagle that she'd think that I want to break up, but that's not it. I just miss my freedom sometimes.

Luckily, just as I'd hoped would happen, the longer we are together the more and more Eagle is willing to give up time spent with me. Used to be she'd be glued to me all night long and bitch and moan about my television shows that she hated. Now, more and more she is retreating to the bedroom to watch something else when she doesn't like what I have on, which is great. It's starting to feel more like a "normal" relationship.

Last night we did get in a tiff about, of all things, reincarnation. See, I believe in it, she doesn't. Why doesn't she? Because if we are reincarnated then no one is special and we can't go on to eternal happiness with the one we love. I told her I disagree. I believe we keep coming back and that our spirit remains the same each lifetime. We just learn more each time around and we do gravitate in each lifetime to other spirits we have known in previous lives. She just cannot stand that I might "love" someone else in my next life and not her. She got very irritated at it. I told her that she doesn't have to agree with me, but she should not put my bliefs down and call them stupid (which she did).

Its hard for me to explain with out me looking like I'm cold hearted, or without Eagle looking like a stalker, but she doesn't understand the concept of love in the same way I do. Yes I love Eagle, but not to the point of demanding her eternal faithfulness. I don't think that means I love her less than she loves me either. I think she just has not yet comprehended the true meaning of love and of the sentiment that if you love something you set it free. Eagle loves me, this I do not doubt, but she doesn't love me in a completely healthy way. This I know. I am sure that if I ever left her it would be very very messy with restraining orders and possible suicide attempts. But I hope in time I can teach her the true meaning of love by example. So far everything I have taught her has been by example and I have no doubts that one day that lesson will become clear to her too.

Everday I thank my mother for introducing me to metaphysicss at such an impressionable age of 18. I learned early on in my adult life how to love, how to think positive, how to teach by example, how to be a positive force in the world. Thanks mom.

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