An Insight
2003-03-26, 9:39 a.m.

Had a great therapy session last night. I think I had what would be called an "insight." I realized that a lot of the reasons that I have always felt so responsible for other people's feelings is because that is how my mother treated people. I guess that should have been obvious to me, but it wasn't. I realized that her "protection" of other people educated me that I need to keep my thoughts and opinions to myself to avoid upsetting the people I care about. Now that I am aware of where it comes from, maybe it will start to be easier to change that about myself.

I also mentioned to my therapist something that my step father did recently that really made me feel uncomfortable. I had taken him out for dinner for his birthday last week and when I picked him up he was already really drunk. Anyway, during dinner we talked about how I had never had kids and the reasons behind that (medical). He then said, "well if you and I went to bed together I guarantee you'd get pregnant." Now I realize that the meaning behind his comment was that he has fathered 7 children and therefore has potent sperm or what not, but the comment was so inappropriate it left me dumbstruck. I quickly changed the subject, but wow, I'm not really sure what, if anything, to do about it. My therapist wants me to bring it up next session because I mentioned it to her at the end of our session. So I guess that is what I'll do.

MyLove and I are doing really great. Things are comfortable and relaxed. Still no signs of panic from her, which is great! Last night I was feeling quite crabby and hormonal. I hate it when I feel like that and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do to get out of it. Today, I'm feel much better, though I think I'll be starting my period very soon.

I'm looking forward to Saturday. I'm planning to make a prime rib roast for dinner for MyLove. She works during the day, but I'll have it ready for when she gets home. It will be our own celebration of our new home together. Afterwards, we're planning to go see a show, but that may change if we head to the bedroom after dinner. Either way, it'll be fun!

So far, no calls from TheExfromHell to the home phone. She may have called MyLove's cell phone, but so far not our home line. I somehow don't expect her to call the house. But I could be wrong. Part of me hopes that she will and that I'll answer and that she'll give me attitude and it'll give me the excuse I need to open a can of whoop ass on her!

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