Another Friday
2003-04-04, 9:06 a.m.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love Fridays? Well I do...and I am so happy it is Friday. The only thing that would make today better (besides if it were pay day) is if MyLove didn't have to work tonight, but she does. So instead, my sister is coming over to hang with me tonight. It should be fun. I'm sure she'd like to go out to a bar or what not, but I'm just not up for that. So hopefully she'll be content staying home, watching movies, singing karaoke, and maybe getting drunk.

MyLove is a very very private person, who is not used to have people over to the place she lives. So knowing that my sister is coming over tonight has got her somewhat edgy already. However, yesterday I mentioned that a very good friend of mine (male) wanted to stop by and hang too, cause he's interested in going out with my sister. MyLove was not happy about this, though I'm really not sure why. Finally she said, it's fine if he comes by, but she doesn't want him staying the night. Now, I've known this person for over 10 years, in fact he used to live with my ex-hubby and I for awhile, I was there when he had his accident, he stood up my wedding, we are very good friends. So, I asked MyLove why she would not be comfortable with him staying the night if need be. She said because she's never met him and did not want to come home from work on Saturday morning to a strange guy she's never met in her house. I can understand that, so I agreed. But it feels a lot like I had to ask my mom's permission or something. Not really sure how that makes me feel. But because I can relate to how MyLove might feel coming home to a stranger, I will respect her wishs on this.

I really miss her a lot right now, and I'm also feeling that she is distancing herself from me again, for some reason. It could be my imagination, but I don't know. Guess I won't know for sure until I see her again for more than 10 seconds as we pass each other in the morning.

I promised her recently that I wouldn't close my heart to her again, but I can feel it starting to happen. I'm very scared of getting hurt again, and self preservation is human nature. Besides if she wants to stay in my heart, she is going to need to work at it. I should not be the only one working on this relationship.

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