I deserve more
2004-04-07, 9:02 a.m.

I have a hypothetical situation for you:

You have been a in a relationship for a year and a half (off and on) with someone. You've lived together twice, but currently, she lives with her ex-girlfriend in what she tells you is a purely platonic situation. The ex-girlfriend's teenage daughter lives there too.

Now, your GF works a lot of hours, and you're proud of her for that. She is a hard working person who takes her job seriously.

Let's say your GF works 14 hours a day for 25 days in a row. During that time, you see her twice for about an hour each time. Always in a public restaurant.

Then one day she unexpectedly gets four days in a row off. The first night she goes home, without calling you and letting you know she has the night off. She goes to bed. You find out from her roommate's daughter when you call there, that your GF is sleeping and has the night off. Once your GF wakes up and tries to reach you, but you're not taking her calls, she drives out to make sure you're okay. Says she's sorry, explains it away, makes love to you, then climbs out of your bed and goes back home.

Supposing you're a pretty patient and easy going person, you let that slide. You think, "well she needed the rest, she's worked hard." "Certainly, the next few days/nights will be mine."

The next day she says she has some errands to run, but would like to come see you bowl on your bowling league. Half way through the day she calls to say, she'll have to cancel because she needs to go into work for a few hours. You ask her to come up afterwards, she says no, the 40 minute drive is too far. Okay, fine.

Then the third morning she calls bright and early. She just got back from taking the roommate's teenager daughter to school. But good news, she's coming over tonight and she can spend the night. But she has to get up at 5:00 a.m. to go back and take the kid to school again. What??

Yeah, that's when I lost it. Why can't she see how low she puts me on her list of priorities? Why can't she see how bad that hurts. When I point it out she says she's sorry, or she says she's tired of hearing me whine about it.

All I know is that if it were ME and I hadn't gotten to see her, hold her in my arms for a month, wake up next to her beautiful face, kiss her forehead, make love to her and wake up next to her....I'd move heaven and earth to make it happen. I'd have come over the minute I found out I had four days off and spent every moment I possibly could memorizing her body, showing her how much I love her, showing her what she means to me.

But that's just it. She's not me. I'm not her. I deserve better and I've said it before, and we've had this argument before. I can't do it anymore. I want more. I deserve more dammit.

last - next