She has clicked into her place
2003-04-14, 11:37 a.m.

I actually forgot about MyLove today. Usually I call her when I get to work and I forgot. This is the first time I've done that. I didn't even remember until she called me forty-five minutes later. This is a big deal to me....it means that I'm moving on in my life. It means that I'm not obsessing about her all the time. It doesn't mean that I love her any less...it just means that she has click into "her" place in my life instead of encompassing the majority of it. It means I don't have this all consuming fear of losing her all the time. It means that I can have the freedom to tell her exactly how I'm feeling at a given time and not worry that she won't like it. It feels good. Really good.

This weekend was pretty good too. She worked days all weekend, so I had the days to myself. I slept till 9:00 on Saturday and 10:00 on Sunday. Got some laundry done, cleaning, and some errands. It was uneventful but peaceful.

MyLove and I did not argue at all. And yesterday morning when she woke up, she had gone back to her nice self. For a week or so before that she was her tense self and that's not very fun. It's really strange that I could pick up on the change just from the way she got out of bed, the way she dressed in the bedroom instead of the bathroom, the way she kissed me several times as I lay dozing in our bed, the way she said she loves me several times....it is so nice when she is like that. I just wish she could always be that way. So far I haven't really noticed a pattern in her behavior...so the changes occur randomly and it can be disorenting sometimes.

Last night I wondered for the first time if MyLove was the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. The problem is that she is everything I want, for the most part. But I was thinking, wouldn't it be nice to be with someone who likes to have friends over for cards, who likes to go visit friends and family on a regular basis, who likes to out dancing, who likes to go see broadway plays and musicals, who likes to go to museams. Yes, it would be nice....but does that mean I want to give up the person that I love more than anything to look for someone who likes all those things? No. I don't. At least not right now.

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