scarey but good
2004-04-19, 9:07 a.m.

I hate Mondays. I truly do. This morning was hell. I woke up an hour late, couldn't find my car keys, I wasn't at home (sssshhhhh) and didn't have my cell phone to call my ride and let her know that I wouldn't be there to be picked up. I finally found my keys and did manage to make it to work only two minutes late, only to answer the first phone call of the day and it was MyExLove. Damn! For a year and a fucking half I'm barely on her fucking mind and now....she calls me first thing in the morning? I swear I'm starting to hate her.

I had a great weekend. The laser light show on Friday was great. My date was fun too. We even held hands in public....woo hoo. The odd part of the evening was that she is very butch, and some people even mistake her for a guy sometimes, though I can't see it...but I did notice a few double takes throughout the evening. It must be a bitch to be looked at with a big question mark on someone's face, all the time. I imagine that has got to tear down self-esteem greatly. She says she's used to it, but how can you really get used to something like that?

Saturday I spent the day and evening with my friend April and my ex-husband, believe it or not. It was interesting. But I always end up feeling like such a schmuck when it comes to my ex-husband. He acts as if he was a saint during our marriage and that my leaving him the way I did was the worst crime anyone could commit, and it has ruined him forever. At this point though I just feel like telling him to get the fuck over it already and get on with you life. Which I did say to him basically. But he did seem sad and that affects me.

Sunday I spent with my new friend at her families house for her family birthday. The woman's parents are LOADED. For her birthday she got a new t.v., a new microwave, a gorgeous set of sheets and matching comfortor for her bed, and her parents paid to have her condo re-painted and carpeted. Must be nice.

So I was on the go all weekend, and now I sit here at my desk exhausted and crabby, but overall pretty happy. I'm starting to like this friend a lot. I've known her for a year and she's had feelings for me the whole time. I, on the other hand, resisted all feelings I felt for her, and now not resisting anymore feels good. Scarey, but good.

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