very very happy
2004-04-20, 8:50 a.m.

I've been reluctant up to now to talk about my love life. Basically I don't want the comments telling me it's too soon, or to go slow, or all of that. I realize it's good advice, but it's advice that I already know and seem to be ignoring. I can't help it.

So who is this mystery person? Well it's not really a big mystery at all. It's Eagle. She's been mentioned in here before along with all my reasons not to fall in love with her. But I realized somewhere a long the line that my heart did not take my advice. It fell in love with her anyway. So, I've decided to see where it goes.

So far it's gone to a place I didn't know exsisted. I was so worried that I'd have to be her caretaker, and it's so far from the truth. She takes care of me like no one. Yesterday I got to her house and she had made dinner, as she always does, done my laundry, then reminded me to take my medication, then held me and told me that everything's going to be fine, put me to bed and rubbed my back till I fell asleep. When I got up, my lunch was made and in the fridge, coffee had brewed, and there was a note on the fridge telling me how much she loves me. I am amazed by all this. No one has EVER done this stuff for me. Even in the beginning of a relationship. I feel totally loved, cared for, and cherished.

Yeah, she has some issues still, but she's working on them and I see it. She tells me that she wants to make her life better for her and for us. She wants to never drink again because she wants to remember our relationship.

I still get fears that she'll relapse and suddenly I'll be faced with having to deal with a different person. But I'm going to choose to be positive, to enjoy the love she shows me, lavish in the attention and pampering she gives, and just relax.

I realize this could be a rebound relationship, but I really don't think that it is, because I've been resisting her for a long time, this is not really a new thing, it's only new that I'm letting it happen.

For what it's worth though, I'm happy. Very very happy.

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