Another hump we're over
2003-04-29, 8:39 a.m.

Disaster averted....barely. So Yesterday around 4:00 p.m. MyLove calls me at work. She's been paying bills....not good. She freaked. And then, of course, I freaked.

I was so angry...I thought to myself, I'm already doing my best to deal with her withdrawal of emotional and physical affections lately, and now I'm subjected to the old "you're using me" rant.

When I got home I was so close to walking out the door on this relationship. I just thought I can't go through it anymore. But we talked, and we went grocery shpping (I paid), and then came home and talked a bit more. I told her that if the roles were reversed, and I made twice as much as she made....and she finished my sentence...you wouldn't be so petty about the money shit. I said, yeah, exactly. And I wouldn't. I could see her problem if I was out spending my money on all kinds of frivilous bullshit and then telling her I couldn't afford to pay for this or that, but I don't do that. I told her and she can argue, that I have paid ALL of the utilities since she moved in....and with that and my other bills, it has left my down to a few bucks between paydays. Granted I probably could have made smaller payments to my other bills....but she keeps telling me, that we're in a relationship and she can help me out, blah blah blah, and damn if I don't take her seriously on that. But maybe that is my mistake.

Anyway, she wants us to split everything down the middle 50/50. So I agreed, but I told her that when she wants to go buy a gas grill, if we're splitting 50/50 we can't get the top of the line, cause I can't afford it. We can't get a lawn service out to cut our grass this summer, cause I can't afford to pay half.

The crux of the matter is, I'm not using her for her money....I know that without a doubt. I feel like she freaked out about something else and it led into this age old discussion. I tell ya, I wish she didn't make so much fucking money, life would be easier!

Anyway, we held each other, we talked, we kissed, and then we made quiet love. I woke this morning feeling good and spoke to her on the phone and all is well, another hump we've gotten over.

Please, let the road start to smooth out soon.

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