party tonight without my Eagle
2004-04-30, 9:18 a.m.

It's Friday! Yesterday I called in sick. And, even though I really was sick, I had a damn panic attack over it. I've turned into such a neurotic lately. What is up with that?

Tonight I'm going to my friend DJ's birthday party at her house. I chose not to take Eagle with me. She's having issues about it. I can't really explain why I don't want to bring her. It's not that I don't want to see her, or spend time with her, cause I do. Very much. It just comes down to the fact that I want to just relax and have a good time. I don't want to wonder if Eagle is having a good time, if my friends like her, if she likes my friends, etc. I just want to party and have fun. Is that wrong?

Eagle thinks that there's something more to it. She is insecure, and I know that. I also cheated on MyexLove with Eagle, so I can understand some of her fears. But I have no desire to be with anyone but Eagle right now.

In fact, it just ocurred to me how much I've stopped looking for someone else. The whole time I was with MyLove I still kept my options open. With Eagle I don't do that at all. I love spending time with her. I love that she loves spending time with me. She satisfies me 100% in mind, body and spirit.

But I am choosing to spend tonight with my friends, without Eagle. I just don't think that's a bad thing. And it comes down to this. Eagle loves me, and I love her. She will get over it in time, and she will see that there was never anything to worry about.

Now, I'm off to catch up on some work.

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