I dream in my underwear
2005-05-09, 9:58 a.m.

Another Monday morning. I'm here. I'm good. I had a good weekend. I was grateful to have Eagle's family yesterday to keep my mind from focusing on the fact that I have no mom to spoil on Mother's Day.

Friday was our last day of bowling. We ended up finishing in 13th place out of 16 teams. Which sucks, but whatever. We each got about $100.00. Plus, I got an extra $10.00 for having the third highest game with handicap of all the ladies. The last night of bowling was just a single's tournament and Eagle actually came in second place. So she got another $80.00 for that. We ended up spending most of our winnings on groceries this weekend though.

I did a bit of thinking this weekend too. See, I have this bad habit of skipping words when I write, or of not looking at the whole picture when given something to look at, or not reading all of a flyer, etc.... I never really noticed it about myself until recently. So I've come to realize that I don't really pay attention to the details of life. Now that can be good and it can also be bad.

It is good because I don't get hung up in details. I don't worry about stuff I can't control. I don't look at the details of people I meet, therefore I hold no judgments of people. Etc. But, obviously it is bad in some ways too. It can be bad when I miss important details (which I do all the time). Or when I miss important details about people who can and will hurt me.

It's like I live my life in a bubble of sorts, everything filtered through this membrane. Eagle and I talked about it and she also pointed out that living like that will keep me from experiencing many things, again both good and bad. Eagle is deep and feels everything. I love that about her, I really do. But I don't think EVERYONE is meant to be that way. However, I do think that I need to remove some of my filters and try to START looking at the whole picture, even the yucky stuff in life sometimes. It'll make me a better person in the long run.

I had a dream last night that's been nagging me all morning. I can't remember much of the details, but all I know was that MyEx was cold, alone, and lonely and I was trying to get to her. I finally made it there, but then I felt bad about leaving Eagle so I left MyEx to search for Eagle, and it was back and forth all night. Sometimes I was walking around in my underwear and I'd notice it and suddenly be embarrassed too. Very strange eh?

last - next