Oh yes the ghost of the ex is still alive
2003-05-10, 5:58 p.m.

I've been confronted with the fact that MyLove is still planning to go to be with TheExfromHell this fall. TheExfromHell is having surgery and she asked MyLove to "be there for her." This is tough on me because I've had two bad experiences with TheExFromHell. It would be one thing if the previous two visits with her had gone smoothly, or had not ever happened. But they did happen and they both left me feeling insecure and left out. They also left MyLove confused and conflicted...so what makes me think that this visit would be any different?

Recently MyLove and I have been discussing getting me pregnant with our baby, maybe this summer. However, today I told her that I won't do it until she gets back from TheExFromHell's surgery. She asked why. I stated, what I figured would be obvious, that I don't want to be pregnant, alone, and stressed with her being gone for a week. The fact is, when MyLove gets around TheExFromHell...I drift to the back of her mind and that's the last place I want to be while pregnant with our baby, plain and simple.

I was really hoping she'd say, "you know, it really isn't fair of me to expect you to be okay with me going to be there for her during her surgey, and she has her mother, her daughter, and her brother and sister-in-law there that can be there for her." "So, I've decided that I'd rather be here for you instead." But she didn't say that. Guess it wasn't really a surprise to me.

I wish I could tell her not to go...but I can't or I won't, one or the other. I do really wonder if I gave her an ultimatum if I'd lose her or not.

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