feeling better
2004-05-28, 1:45 p.m.

Half the day is over and I'm still alive. And doing okay.

Someone who will remain nameless told me that it sounds like everything goes great and then Eagle makes one mistake and I want to fly out the door.

In some ways that's true. But it's fucking scarey to be in love with someone who is a drug addict. Yeah, I knew beforehand, but I thought it would be different. I didn't know just how bad the bad would be.

But regardless. Right now the good outweighs the bad and that is what counts. I can't run when it gets uncomfortable if I'm vowing my loyalty to this person.

Do I have the right to leave if it gets unbearable, absolutely. But I need to give it my all during the bad if I'm going to stay.

And I am going to stay. I do love her. I do see the potential we have.

I feel better. In the future I will not engage with her when she is using. I will wait till she comes down and can talk rationally. Then discuss how her actions affected me.

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