fuck her
2005-06-02, 9:30 a.m.

I am indescribably angry right now. I don't even know what to do with this anger. Eagle has had the GALL to be angry and hurt with me for making a plan B when she was drinking.

Yesterday she spent the day with our friend P who I had confided my plan in. My mistake obviously, because P told Eagle of my plan.

So all last night I could tell something was bothering Eagle. Finally just as I'm going to sleep she tells me that she is hurt and that her trust in me is gone becuase I was making plans to leave her. I bit my tongue hard and did not say a word because I did not want to get into a fight. So this morning she gets up with me and hands me a note to read on the bus. I read the note and it says the same thing, but with some references to MyEx and the timing of her calling me, etc.

I got off the bus and told her that I was angry that she could try and make me feel bad for trying to protect myself. The ONLY person I can count on 100% in this world is ME, and it is up to ME to make a plan b if neccessary. I told her that she was drunk for a week and said the meanest, cruelest things to me and I made a plan to go somewhere else for my own sanity and safety. If she can't understand that, it's her problem.

What the fuck? She should be kissing my goddamn feet that I didn't leave her drunk ass. Not fucking making me feel guilty for getting a plan in place. What is wrong with her?

I was just starting to get back to being somewhat comfortable and willing to give her another chance, and she pulls this shit? She's bound and determined to drive me away.

Right now I want to walk. No I want to run. I want to find a place to live where she can't find me, live in peace and quiet, alone. My faith in humanity has taking quite the beating already over the past few years, right now I don't want anybody. I only need me. I am the only one that I can truly count on. It's just me.

Fuck her.

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